I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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