As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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