He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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