Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize