Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize