What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize