GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
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"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
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All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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