So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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