so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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