Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
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I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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