yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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