I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
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He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
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Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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