So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
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Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
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I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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