At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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