I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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