I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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