Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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