Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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