It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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