My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
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at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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