i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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