Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
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