Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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