Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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