I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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