Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize