No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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