Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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