Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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