Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
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I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
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I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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