I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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