Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
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He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
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I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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