At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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