I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
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Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
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You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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