The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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