well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize