i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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