Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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