i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
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Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
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Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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