Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
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She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
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I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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