We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize