walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
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I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
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then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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