How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize