she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It's rum buckets o'clock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize