I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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