Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
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