i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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