I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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