dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
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