if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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